My Testimony

 

It was in Long Beach, California,
February 25, 1973, I was nineteen
years old, and I was lost.

To quench the confusion and loneliness,
drugs started taking a role in my life.
I was desperate and didn't even know it.

But one day, I walked into that little church;
ignorant, soul-hungry, and afraid.
And I walked out a different way;
touched by and given the Bread of Life,
never to be alone again.

It was at this Chapel of our Fathers,
on the Forest Lawn Mortuary
in Cypress of sunny Southern California...
Almost too perfect to be true.

You see, a step-cousin from Florida, Bible in hand,
had, like the wind, blown in unexpectedly
to visit our family for a week or so.

("The wind blows where it wills, and you hear the sound
thereof  [the Spirit], but cannot tell where it comes, and where
it goes [only God knows]:so is everyone that is born of the Spirit." 
Bible verse: John 3:8)

He spoke those words off those pages to me
for two days straight, back, and forth,
from Old Testament to New Testament.
(the Seeds were planted).
I had to listen, he was very handsome,
and anyway, I had nothing better to do.

I did not yet see, I did not yet understand 
in full, but I heard the Word. And that step-
cousin left like he came; (oh well)
as the wind blows -
in, all around, and out.

And a week or so later,
another wind blew my way.

An old boyfriend came to the house
to see me. Unannounced. Uninvited.
Just like the wind.
He asked if I would come to church with him
the upcoming Sunday.
I found myself saying "sure". 

(No one comes to the Son unless the Father
draws him. John 6:44;  
And I, when I be lifted up, will draw all men
unto myself. John 12:32;
Yea... with lovingkindness have I drawn
thee to myself. Jer. 31:3)

I had nothing to lose. At that time in my life,
to think that someone would even ask me to go
anywhere with them surprised me.

So I went to that little church in the big city...
see how pretty it was?

The pastor stood up there and preached.
Don't recall exactly what his message was about
but at the end, he asked for a show of hands
from anyone interested in receiving
Christ as their Lord and Savior;
that their sins might be forgiven,
their lives cleansed,
their souls revived,
and their destiny secured.

I couldn't do it.
I could not raise my hand.
(Except a man be born of water [natural]
and of the Spirit [supernatural], he cannot 
enter into the kingdom of God. 
John 3:5)

God wouldn't want me... I thought...
that's impossible! No one wants me!

So guess what He did.

He received me. He drew me
to Himself... just as the Word says...
just as He had said He would...
some 2,000 years ago.
It was like this...

I stood there in the pew, and in tears, 
shamefaced, not knowing what to do... 
feeling totally unacceptable... and…
there came a vision of His arms and chest... 
open wide... for me.
There He was... He received me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine that.

And at the end of the service I went forward, 
(how could I not?) and listened,
and nodded, and agreed,

Yes, Jesus is the Son of God,
yes, He did die for my sins,
yes, I do need His forgiveness,
yes, I now belong to Him,

and I wiped my nose
and my eyes
and my cheeks.

And from that day on, 
I was no longer alone.
(Lo, I am with you always. Matthew 28:20)

I had inherited this huge, huge family.
Many more than Toula's Big Fat Greek family.
And I was welcome... to be with them.
It was all so new.
I had been so alone.
For so long.

Love-Hungry.
Soul-Thirsty.
Confused.
Afraid of everything.

And now this.
It was surreal.
Yes. That's what it was.
Supernaturally REAL.

I was born of the Spirit...
born from above.
(John 3:1, 14-16)

And today, THAT is my citizenship.
One day soon, I will be going Home
where I belong. All by the grace of God.
Nothing to do with me. (No earning anything.)
Incredible. Wonderful. Supernatural.
To GOD be the glory for what HE has done!

May 18, 2018 - Love Note from Heaven

I've a little story to tell...
Joe and I had another wonderful visit to Marquette.

It was May 7th…. a beautiful day…. truly Spring-like, and no touch of winter remaining anywhere.

We love going there.

But as the day wore on, it became different
than just the normal love of Marquette...
I was hit with the loss of Frank.

This was Marquette, his old stomping grounds… I “saw” him everywhere, and finally, at one point,

tears of pure sorrow bubbled up and slipped down.
Joe, sitting next to me in the car,
didn’t notice because I didn’t want him to notice.
I wanted him to enjoy the day.

So, we mozied on, ending up at the lovely
Peter White library,
a favorite place of ours.

I walked my way to the computers in order to scan and send medical papers to our insurance company.

As I approached,
I saw a young man at one of the computers…
awesome head of dreads,
half of them nicely wrapped up in a loose bun,
and the other half falling down his back.
It really was beautifully done, even neat and tidy.
And my heart skipped a beat.
This young man also wore a bright, multi-colored
tie-dye t-shirt – the same kind Frank would wear.

We know Frank didn’t have dreads,

but his hair was long and thick and he was beautiful,

even when his hair was mussed up

from wind or activity.

My heart was still heavy, and it was a teeny tiny little comfort

sitting next to that young man at his computer.
And then ... a little girl comes hopping up...
“Are you done, daddy?”…
and he turns around…

... just as I turned with a smile
to observe him and his little girl.
And our eyes…. his and mine….
locked in a moment that lasted
no more than two seconds...
but felt like an eternity.
Like a deep dive into a place where there is no time. Within those 2 seconds was a super-charged,
heartfelt exchange of hellos….
not between that young man and I,
but between Frank and I.

Certainly, that young man didn't realize

he was instrumental in a Great Exchange
that took place in that glance,
but it filled my heart,
and put a smile on my face
that lasts even to today.

February 21 - Three Gifts White

White froth lifting us 

onto the next leg of the crazy run. 

Family rocking it on the 

Frank Sade Memorial Menominee Run,

August 4th, 2014. 

Thankful for

 Kosir's Mackenzie Bryant, 

raft guide par-excellence.

Joe and I, 

pounding whitewater as a backdrop,

sitting close to where Frank Sade 

awaited his homecoming

while in the Everlasting Arms.

Thankful for the Rock of Ages.

Youngest son, bracing himself against Lake Superior's fury...
white tongue intent on lapping him up.

Crazy boy, proving his manhood -

I'm glad he knows how to swim. 

February 10 - Three Times You Heard Laughter Today

1)  Had a heart to heart 

with Manitowoc friend today.

Funny thing is we were dead serious

about so many things.

It's very refreshing,

this being-honest thing.

It builds respect each one for the other

and sets us free to be who we are.

It also encourages the kind of intimacy

good relationships are made of.

Honesty also produces a kind of freedom

that makes room for finding humor

in difficult things.

Some stuff can be so confounding,

we choose to bring humor to it.

And the laughter we share

is twice as good

for the sharing of it.

___________________________________

2)  Long ride home of 2 hours and 40 minutes...

what's a woman to do

but listen to something that nourishes

heart and soul.

Nothing like a funny preacher 

to do just that.

Humor has a way 

of reaching and teaching the heart 

that sometimes a more serious sermon 

can't seem to do.

At least for me.

Well, laughing alone in the car

was a delight today.

3)  Speaking of honesty... 

I love taking photos 

of things that speak volumes.

So on the ride home,

I stop and take photos of this and that,

and one in particular made me laugh.

"Where were you this evening?"

He or she may be honest 

when they answer the pointed question with ....

"I don't know"

Well now... 

do you really believe that'll work?

Might as well go straight home,

pour yourself into the relationship

you started long ago,

 and tackle the difficulties with

honesty, humor and respect.

February 8 - A Gift Broken, Fixed and Thrifted

I was fed up.

Desperate.

The boys were not getting along.

How they spoke to each other was so wrong...
so wrong.

So I got creative.

Radical.

Crazy.

The idea could have been
a gift from God.

I had once purchased a beautiful gravy boat
found at a local thrift store.
(Expensive china for a great deal.)
It was not part of a set,
it was single.

It was different - but even prettier - than this one.

After dinner was over, we cleared the table.

I told the boys to sit back down 

and wait for just one moment.

I went and retrieved the vintage gravy boat

and set it on a towel, on the table before their eyes.

I'm sure I said something like...

"Isn't it a beauty? 

It's worth a lot of money, you know,

because it's an antique. 

I only have one like it.

And I love it."

I can be a real china diva... 

my sons knew my weakness for beautiful dishes - 

often 2 or 3 sets were available 

for different occasions.

They looked expensive, but weren't, after all.

Then I took a towel and

covered the bowl completely...

I gave them a hammer,
one at a time,
and told them to have at it.

"Go ahead, break it, I said."

They were very reluctant.
I had to coax them to do it.

When it was all done,
broken china embedded deep into 
the threads of the towel,
gone from a bowl to a spread of shards...
I said to them...
with eyes a tad teary...

"This is what your words can do to a soul.
This is what can happen to the heart of your brother
if you don't control your tongue.
We are fragile boys,
we are all fragile.

And words hurt... 

words hurt.

I do believe that fixed the "bad mouthing" situation...
at least for a while.

And I was happy to do it,
for what matters more...

a bowl 

or a soul?

February 7 - A Gift at 11:30am, 2:30pm, 6:30pm

1)  11:30 a.m. finds me at Family Reunion time.

Today, the 7th fell upon Sunday,

and my ears, eyes, and heart
are fixed on the preaching.

I'm feasting with family members on God's Word;

followed by a solemn time for communion with

heart inspection, confession, and renewal;

followed by the famous Pot Luck get-together in the back.

I love family time!

2) 2:30 pm presented another family reunion,

this time of mother and daughter.

It was both sweet and sour.

She is always so happy to see me,

but this time she said...
"Are you here to stay with me forever and ever? 

You are staying forever, aren't you?"

And her strong hand slips to the back of my neck,

draws me close as she kisses me

and she says "I love you" over and over.

Wow.

"I love you too, mom, yes... I love you too."

She raved about how much she loves her photo-blanket.  See her there with her four children?

I share news of family...

sister and husband now 

entering a nursing home in Montreal.

We talked about the way of life

and how it just slows down more and more.

What a good tete-a-tete we shared.

Back and forth we talked about family,

and then the subject turned to Heaven.

I am always thrilled to talk about Heaven with her

because it's an opportunity to again drive home

what she recently accepted to be Truth...

Christ, Savior of the World came

to save her, and not just the whole world.

And I hope the talk deepens her assurance

 of her not-so-far-away future in Heaven.

I left with my heart full and happy.

I always leave her presence trying to remember 

that this may be the last time I see her.

So with a lingering hug and another kiss,

I leave her to sleep.

I would have no regrets if it were the last time.

___________________________

3)  6:30 pm brings us to a quiet time of reflection.

Evening settles, and life slows down.

Photo taken by my son Frank - Lake Superior, Marquette, Michigan

And I settle for a good read, 

this time one accompanied with questions 

to help me probe a little and challenge 

what in my life might I be casually accepting

as normal and fixed...

but needs to change.

"The unexamined life is not worth living."  Socrates

So I take the time and Sunday evening is perfect.

Thanks, Father, for such a lovely day!

February 6 - Three Gifts from Outside

1)  Family portraits out on the porch... 

oh what a gift it was that a friend

offered her photography skill.

And we did not know what the future would hold.

It was the season of life just before our second-born

moved south for opportunity's sake.

What a tough decision that was.

2) Then, much later, another season came...

 we enjoyed grandma living with us 

... a year and a half, to be exact.

It was wonderful.

Porch seasons where breezes 

brush up against cheeks.

Wonderfully refreshing.

Now a new season,

and she is in a nursing home...

I don't like her being away, 

outside our home.

Not at all.

3) Then an especially difficult season came around.

(No one knows what the future holds.)

That second-born stepped outside

the realm of this ol' world...

and we learn that...

 "Sometimes God allows what He hates (death),
in order to accomplish what He loves (new life)."
Judy Jeffery

It's true, when you have someone in heaven,

you carry a little piece of it around with you.

You literally feel closer to God.

And you long even more for that "outside world" yourself.

Of course you do.

This just so happened to be one of our boys' favorite books.

Lovely memory of years gone by.

I still have that book.

February 5 - Three Gifts Stitched, Hammered, Woven

1)  Stitched... knitted... woven... 

however it was... 

it's by His hand that I came to be.

There's something very comforting about that.

That the handiwork of the Master-Designer

can create such a beautiful soul.

A beautiful 

You.

2) I know someone who hammered away at the drills 

and the exercises, and the repetition,

over and over and over again.

After all, this whole piano thing was his idea.

I am thankful he asked for lessons, 

for he is gifted in a marvelous way. 

Now, every once in a while, a new composition 

comes floating our way.

What a joy.

Here, for you, the keys of an old tune are hammering away 

in response to his passion:

3) Woven...  

as in threaded through and out 

and through and out again 

and do it again and again.

Like a life that has to experience

one thing after the other,

sometimes the same thing...

 in order to learn

one

darned

lesson.

And we think it's all a mess,

undecipherable,

illogical and downright futile

to have to visit that again,

and again, 
and again.

That's not how God sees it.

Every woven thread has a purpose,

and soon enough,

you will see the beauty of it all.

It's true, you know...

February 4 - Three Gifts Found when Stooping

1)  When we stoop to admit our need for God...

He gives forgiveness that wipes away all guilt.

All kinds of guilt.

And this white robe of His righteousness

is given to us.

Imagine that.

What a beautiful thing.

2) She stoops down and sees that God works best

in hearts that embrace humility.

For God resists the proud,

but gives grace to the humble.

She may have lost a son

at the bottom of that waterfall...

but she knows He knows

best of all

that he belonged Home.

His work on earth was done.

3) Does God require us to stoop

so He can look down upon us

with haughty eyes.

No. Indeed,

that is Lucifer's way.

Jesus, however,
stooped all the way out of Heaven and Home... 

and slipped into a feeding trough.

The Bread of Life did this, for you and me.

He then lived a 30-year life span

that climaxed with the ultimate stooping...

receiving lashes and torture untold...

to ensure we would once again be His.

All that humility and power 

blended into one

God-Man Messiah.

Come, stoop down and see....

February 3 - Three Gifts Found In Writing

1)  Gift of Love on paper... 

older brother to younger brother.

Who's not thankful for such treasures?

2)  Many gifts are found in writing, and many times,

you discover things about yourself you had no idea was in you...

until you put pen to paper...

your own life played out in lines and swirls

of thought and meaning. 

 It is amazing, the power of the written word.

3) You know how it is...

getting a hand-written letter these days 

is a real treasure.

To think someone thought of you enough

to put love on paper...

just so you could read it

and feel its embrace.

Lonely souls know...